Always
by Pozagee
Summary: No slash. Harry is upset. "You know what the last thing he said to me was?" Harry asked. Snape leaned back against the desk, raising an eyebrow. "'Nice one, James.'" Harry paused, before whirling around, tears fogging his rage-filled eyes. "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID! James."...


"Mr. Potter?" Severus Snape questioned said green-eyed boy. The Potions Master had dismissed the class a few minutes ago, and yet the Gryffindor Golden Boy had have yet to have moved. His friends had cast him worried looks, but he shooed them on, preferring to sit on his stool in the back of the room, watching his teacher move about.

Severus, for his part, had remained calm and collected during the class. Inside he felt too many emotions to pinpoint. He felt rage, as normal. He felt guilt, again, as normal. But when the guilt mingled with happiness and sadness to create a huge jumbled mess of unwanted emotions, Severus felt like he wanted to bang his head against the wall to right his mind.

But, of course, that would have been unwise, seeing as he already had a blossoming migraine and sore/stiff muscles from being held under the Cruciatus curse by 'his lord'.

The man had been unpleased, to put it mildly, about what had taken place at the Department of Mysteries. Not only had quite a large amount of his followers been put in Azkaban, but the Ministry finally accepted he was back.

In other words, epic fail... which equaled tortured Death Eaters.

"Mr. Pot-"

"I hate you."

Well. That took Severus by surprise. Of course Severus knew the boy didn't like him, but to say he hated him with no emotion... For some unknown reason, the Potions Master felt stung. Maybe it was just the pounding in his head and swirling emotions talking. But still; Severus HAD saved the boy countless times. It almost made the man the boy's official unofficial godfather.

Oh, how Black would have hated that.

Realizing he had not yet replied to the boy's abrupt declaration, Severus sneered, "Oh you do, now?"

Harry just stared straight forward, green eyes dull. The boy looked dreadful, looking quite thin and pale. He looked as though he had aged too. The emotionless of his face was the most disconcerting. 'What happened to wearing his "heart on his sleeve"?'

"Yes," the boy replied simply, not looking like he was about to elaborate or leave. Severus sighed. He had no time for this.

"If you are just going to sit here, stating the obvious, then I will take my leave." Severus strode to the door leading to his office, but was stopped by a voice.

"Don't you want to know why?" Potter questioned.

Severus chewed the thought over, before replying slowly, "I think it goes without saying, after these past five years. I'll just take my pick, and move on with my life."

His hand was on the doorknob. So close...

"Just keep telling yourself that. But that's not why I hate you." Severus let out a tortured breath. He needed alcohol. And music. And his cigarettes. And a good book. Just to be away...

"Fine."

"Ask me."

"Ask you what?" If Severus was annoyed before, now he looked ready to kill.

"Ask me why I hate you."

Taking a deep, calming breath, the Potions Master asked, "Fine. Why do you hate me?" He told himself it was to get the boy in trouble than actual curiosity.

Harry's eyes finally focused on Severus's, nearly making the older man almost flinch from the pure hate and rage and hurt burning in their depths. "Its your fault Sirius is dead."

Severus nearly screamed. 'This is what this is about?! That-that mutt?!' "Hardly," he replied, despite his inner turmoil.

Potter was still staring with that hard look. Severus righted himself, sneer firmly planted on his face. "If you would have helped me when Umbridge-"

"I was helping, Potter, and don't you DARE say otherwise. What exactly did you expect me to do in a room full of Slytherins; the children of my fellow 'Followers'?"

Harry stood up, not backing down as Snape advanced. "I dunno. Possibly give some sign that you understood what I was saying! YEAH! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE!" Harry screamed at the end.

Severus shook his head. "Honestly, Mr. Potter. After all these years of knowing me, do you seriously think I am so daft as to not pick up on such a not-so-subtle hint? How stupid do you think I am?"

"Are you pinning this all on me?!" Harry yelped indignantly, leaning forward on the large desk. Severus followed suit, staring down his nose at the boy.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but if you wouldn't have left, then Black wouldn't ha-"

SMACK.

Severus was shocked for a second, until it registered.

Harry. Bloody. Potter. Had HIT HIM!

Once again, the jumbled emotions returned, most revolving around absolutely FURIOUS. "Potter..." he snarled in his lowest, deadliest tone. The brat, seemingly realizing his mistake, retreated back several paces. "Detentions for life, a hundred and fifty points from Gryffindor, and you'll be lucky if expulsion is all you get for this."

Severus's voice was even, but his pale face slowly getting paler and his tight lips certainly conveyed his message just fine.

Harry stuttered for a second, before yelling, "YEAH?! Well, do I look like I bloody fucking care?!"

Snape gaped. Was the boy trying to make him hex him into oblivion?! He opened his mouth to make a witty retort, possibly (definitely) take points, when Harry exploded again.

"YOU were the one that stopped the lessons! YOU were the one to tempt Sirius! It was YOU! It was ALWAYS you!" Severus raised an eyebrow, unsure of the boy's logic. The brat HAD been the one to snoop in HIS Pensieve...

"And why did you stop the lessons? Because I saw that memory?" Here, Potter paused, breathing heavily. "You thought I enjoyed it. Seeing Ja-my dad and his friends acting like that. You thought I was like them."

Severus looked as stone-faced as ever; quite a feat to accomplish while being screamed at by a teenage boy. The boy had actually hit him rather hard; it would require a small amount of bruise balm, though Dumbledore would have to see...

Then again, that would be very embarrassing and the man would probably do nothing (chalking it up to the teen's emotions running high at his dogfather's death).

What had the boy said? Oh, yes. Why did the brat have to bring up that embarrassing incident? Of course, the embarrassing aspect wasn't the reason it was his worst memory... that HAD been the day he had lost his Lily...

"I didn't like what they did. And yet you thought I enjoyed watching that..." Potter brought Severus back to reality.

"I talked to them, Remus and Sirius. Thats all. I wanted them to come up with a good excuse. I wanted them to tell me it was payback for something you did earlier..." Potter slumped onto the stool. "They told me that was how all fifteen year old guys acted."

Severus scoffed at that.

"This whole year, Sirius has been pushing me to do things... Hermione told me he was trying to relive the Marauder days, but I really didn't think-" Harry cut himself off. He wasn't sure why he was telling Snape this. He had already ranted to Dumbledore and his friends, but he hadn't told them everything. Why did he feel compelled to tell his least favorite professor this?

Harry told himself it was just to inflict some guilt on the man.

"We were battling near the Veil, you know. Sirius and I. We were good, and it was scary, yet almost... fun. Until... I shot an Expelliarmus at a Death Eater, and Sirius said-"

Harry once again cut himself off. He pain in his eyes, and his throat closed up. Snape hadn't interrupted, and had sat down on a stool across from him on the other side of the counter. His face betrayed no emotion, which made Harry feel slightly mad. He abruptly stood, walking over to the extra textbook shelf. He ran his fingers over the worn spines, as though trying ti discern what to say and how to say it.

"You know what the last thing he said to me was?" Harry asked. Snape leaned back against the desk, raising an eyebrow.

"'Nice one, James.'" Harry paused, before whirling around, tears fogging his rage-filled eyes. "DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?! James," he whispered the last part.

Severus felt... well he didn't know what he felt. The migraine was messing with his mind, and the fact that his concealed emotions were already running high didn't help matters.

He was angry at Black, for making a mistake like that. True, he himself constantly compared Potter to Potter Sr., but he never mixed the two up. How could he, with Lily's eyes staring at him like that?! Plus the brat was almost polar opposites of his father!

He was sort of angry at himself, for letting the situation get out of control, but as he had stated earlier, what was he to do?

He felt a small twinge of sadness for that to be the last thing that Potter heard from the closest thing he had to a parent. The boy had suffered much, and would suffer a lot more in the near future; he needed someone to talk to when things got rough.

Severus vaguely wondered why he cared, seeing as they had five years of (pretend, on his part) hatred under their belt, not to mention Potter's most recent tantrum... Snape blamed it on his inner Gryffindor sentimentality.

Forcing himself out of his reverie, Severus muttered, "And?"

Potter crossed his arms in defiance, anger evident on his features. "Am I truly that much like him? Am I that much a clone that people actually confuse me for him?"

Severus worked the thought around. Harry wasn't like his father. Harry wasn't a bully, and (after seeing the brat's memories in those blasted Occlumency lessons earlier that year) he certainly wasn't spoiled. The boy could seem arrogant sometimes, but that was typical for a teenager. Severus knew Harry was nothing like his father, but had to be rude and degrading to the boy to keep up illusions.

But how could Severus explain that to the boy? He was fifteen! Too young to truly understand what was at stake with the war (despite his experiences). The boy's mind couldn't comprehend how closely interwoven their lives were, and how one mistake could ruin everything. Severus was almost glad for the boy's ignorance in the situation; it meant he was still young, still had life in him.

How was Severus supposed to tell the boy the truth without endangering both of their lives (should Potter decide to act nicer to Severus after this)?

Taking Snape's answer for an affirmative, Harry sighed heavily, as he started packing up his books, quills, and potions supplies. "I thought he was great. My dad. But he was a bully. And I'm just like him..."

There was a small pause while Severus's pain-filled mind worked frantically.

"Maybe... maybe if Sirius wouldn't have died so early, he would have seen that I was Harry. Thats what I was hoping for. Everyone thinks of me as James's and Lily's son, the Boy Who Lived. Nobody thinks of me as Harry... Is there even a Harry?"

The boy was almost to the door when Severus let words burst from his mouth. Harry's defeated posture and empty voice made him. "Mr. Potter. You are nothing like your father."

Here, Harry turned, looking confused. "But you've always said-"

"You are young. You do not know how crucial it is to both of ours survival, that we be enemies," Severus stated quickly, no dramatic pauses as he spoke.

Harry looked at him hard, as if sizing him up. "Because of your sp-"

"Yes. And please refrain from saying such words in a place where this conversation could be overheard by unwanted informants," Severus warned.

For a second, Potter lingered at the door, before slowly walking back in and sitting back down. "I guess... you confuse me."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Well," Harry stumbled over his words, "Can you blame me? I don't know what is fake and real with you. You hide too much."

"That, Mr. Potter, is because I have much to lose."

Harry looked confused by that. Snape had no family (that Harry knew of), no friends, and really no life besides his at Hogwarts. What could the man loose?

Snape had secured the doors, casting silencing charms, lest his Slytherins hear something worthy of relaying to their older relatives. At seeing Harry's confused face, Severus took a deep breath. He didn't want to explain feelings to the brat that Severus hardly understood himself! He didn't want to expose himself or his emotions.

But Harry needed something. Closure, perhaps. Something to distract him from the sadness and pain he was feeling.

"I... I can not risk you being captured by the Dark Lord. It... I think it would destroy me." 'You are too much to loose'

Harry tried not to let too much shock show. He UNDERSTOOD the man's unspoken words. "Why?"

Taking a deep breath, Severus murmured, "Believe it or not, Mr. Potter, but after all these years of cleaning up your messes and making sure you don't get yourself hurt... I have..." The man trailed off, unwilling or unable to continue.

Harry understood, though. 'Snape has ALWAYS been here. And he ALWAYS will be. And for me!'

Feeling wetness in his eyes, soon to be on his cheeks, he quickly turned around, to regain his composure. Severus did the same.

"I am sorry for your loss. And... I'm sure that he did not mean what he said. You are a very individual lad."

Harry let out a chuckle, smiling with his watery eyes. "Thanks, professor. For everything."

Snape stood, nodding abruptly, trying to pick up the shattered remains of his normal facade. He started to walk to his office, undoing the wards. Harry, though stopped him in his tracks.

"Professor."

Severus turned around, wondering what the boy would say. But what he saw in his eyes was understanding. He understood why Severus had done the things he'd done throughout the years. He understood how much he, Harry, had meant to Severus. He understood, and was looking at Severus almost, dare he say it, fondly.

It shocked the man. "After all this time?" 'of our (semi) mutual hatred?'

Harry looked at him, a smile on his lips. He turned, leaving, but not before he whispered, "Always..."

* * *

A/N

Lovely play on those goose-bump rendering words, don't you think?

Review, please. And if anyone has a story they want to see, send me a PM or post it in a review, and I'll see what I can do.


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